Alone

I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone by HEART

In psychotherapy I often encounter the above mentioned “alone issue” and while this can be a real challenge to deal with in sessions, I can not but think about my own loneliness in life. Most of the time, for years, I really felt lonely and downright alone.

No matter what I did, I could not alleviate the loneliness and deep perception of being alone in the whole darn universe. I tried to fill in the emptiness by focusing on relationships, sex, work, education, innovation, business, martial arts (shotokan, judo, jujitsu, shorin-ryu and even ninjutsu), triathlon, even yoga and  meditation etc… etc…, to no avail.

In all my efforts it has never ever occurred to me that I might be looking at the wrong direction. Oh well.

It was before I started to employ the NVC art of living that hit me: I am alone inside, so maybe the solution is also on the inside.
And the NVC terminology and practice is helping me now to be able to express myself fully and more clearly:

what I was trying to do was satisfy my deep need for spirituality and aliveness by employing various aforementioned strategies.
Just as the beautiful song in the video below suggests, I too was yearning for someone or something to save me, to make me whole again, to really fill in the inner loneliness to the brim. And, I see that now, it was a misplaced devotion to some strategies that could never ever do that.

Yes, not only sport or work or education, even intimate relationships and sex – all of that are just dry strategies and focusing exclusively onto them was (and still is) to me a colossal waste of energy and time.

I was searching on the outside what can only be received from deep within. And after years of felling lost and alone in the space-time continuum, I no longer feel alone.

It took a whole lot more than mere NVC dance floor or other NVC arts; mother Tantra added her helping hand and carried me over to the other side.

Now, I am never ever alone.

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
Om Krim Kali

 

One thought on “Alone
  1. Thank you for this. (smile).

    Lahko rečem, da te razumem, sem podobno dojela tudi sama- nobena strategija mi ne more dati nekaj, kar že imam, če imam fokus na strategijo namesto na kvaliteto (potencial) samo. Malo večji izziv mi je trenutno še živeti to v življenju, ker je resnično proces preiti iz fokusa “navzven”, na fokus “navnoter”. Je pa slednje res edino prav zares izpolnjujoče. Če ne začutim ljubezni v srcu sama, je prav zares ne more prižgati (dati) nič in nihče, ne glede na to, kako si to želim.

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