You Can’t Kill Your Ego: Love Her Instead

Well, the text bellow caught my attention on one of the FB groups I frequent, and it definitely merits to be re-posted here at the Integral Life Blog.

I have written extensively about the ego and how to relate to it in a nonviolent way, see the Blog series here (Embracing the Ego first part >>, second part >> and third part  >>).



So here we go:

You Can’t Kill Your Ego: Love Her Instead

There’s all this talk about killing off the ego, as if the same intelligence that holds up the sun and spins the earth made a mistake in giving humans an individuated sense of self, as if this sense somehow precludes our capacity to understand the interconnectedness of all things.

You cannot kill your ego, and any attempt to do so is, ironic as it sounds, an ego trick. Contrary to “consciousness propaganda” your ego is not a mistake made by nature that you must undo with your spirit breath.

If your ego mind, your conscious mind, your personality is somehow circumventing your happiness it is because it is unhealthy. Egos get sick. Installing a new age guru in your head isn’t going to heal your ego.

Panicking over the laws of magnetic resonance (LOA) because your unwell ego is chattering through its illness (the only way it can ask for help) because you fear it will bring destruction upon your house is counter-productive.

Your brain is an evolutionary masterpiece. Mind, while limited, is far from useless, innately bad, or even specifically obstructive. Your subconscious is a living library that remembers all the stories of the universe, especially the ones that are a part of you.

If you stop treating your ego like your enemy, and start dealing with all the negativity in your mind with compassion and non-resistance, with reasonableness, logic and deep, abiding love, she will start to heal.

As your ego slowly and gently is lead to health and wellness, you will begin to realize that she has always been your ally. She only wanted to keep you safe from disappointment, rejection, and other harm caused by other sick egos. She was only trying to ward off the forces that injure the mind.

As a result, she has been injured, she has caught the disease she’d spent all your life trying to ward off. Ineffective quarantine and hatred pointed inward keeps you from moving on. Without her you would never be able to manoeuver your physical life into alignment with the life that makes your heart sing.

Your ego is not stopping you. She is serving you the best way she can in her crippled state.

Nursing her back to health is a long-term commitment. It doesn’t matter if you live in a culture of throw-away things; this, you cannot escape. This, you may not discard.

You have two choices: live with your suffering, or treat the disease. The process of healing is hard labour, but it is labour that goes someplace new. Living with a sick ego is also hard labour, but it never gets easier, and you never relocate. Instead, your heart stays in quiet yearning and the life you dream of remains impossible to align with.

Instead of trying to withhold happiness and love from yourself based on an impossible demand (i.e. You may have the money, love, freedom that will make you happy if you will just shape up and stop having a broken bone, diabetes, cancer…) you could instead allow the chaos, apply the medicine, hold her while she wails and start becoming true again.

Let your ego express her grief, her rage, her terror about the exile, the torture, the abuse, the invisibility and the lack of appreciative acknowledgement that rendered her a foe, when all she wanted to do is serve you, your heart, your life and your mission. Hold her like a wailing child in your arms. She has survived a war and lost it all. Her mother: your heart, has been removed from her reality, and she grieves while her mother seeks the innocent child, the victim of circumstance left behind.

Let not the suffering your ego manages for you be in vain.

As you resurrect her in your arms, as her true nature emerges you will see how much you have lost, and you will grieve because it was your own blindness that has allowed this to happen. At the same time, your compassion practice will remind you that much of this distortion was unavoidable, and the holy moment when you start to love your ego will transform you.

As your ego begins to get healthy, you will become more yourself. That which is untrue may not come to the temple door, for it has no offering to lay upon the altar.

You need access to the truer, personal self because only you may knock upon the door of your own Divinity. The programs in you, the secret monsters, the voices of your governments, tribe and culture have no life in you but that which you are giving them, and these elements are the swine to which divine pearls may not be thrown .

It is not the ego itself that is the problem. It is a sickness that comes from ignorance of our authentic selves made manifest that we might see with true eyes. You don’t need to kill your ego. Make it healthy and you will see it’s purpose. You will remember that you were created perfectly. There has been no mistake. Yes, even your {gasp!} ego serves the One Love, but it cannot serve when it is sick.

~Alison Nappi

The New cAge prison

The text below caught my attention on FB. I often relish the simple and yet deep thoughts of Jeff Brown, and the New Age or New Cage text fits right into the overall context of my Integral vision and Blog.

Lets first see Jeff’s words (my thoughts below):

New Cage Movement – A term to describe the more ungrounded, dangerous and simplistic elements of the New Age movement, including but not limited to:

  • wishful thinking mantras,
  • spiritual bypass and premature forgiveness practices,
  • superficial healing techniques, and
  • the perpetual denial of common sense realities with fantastical perspectives (‘Everything is an illusion,’ ‘There are no victims,’ ‘All judgments are bad,’ ‘You chose your every experience and circumstance,’ ‘Your personal identifications are inherently false,’ ‘Just ask the universe for what you want…,’ ‘Everything you see and feel is a reflection of you,’ ‘There is no one to blame,’ ‘The ego is the enemy,’ etc.

These perspectives have their place, but taken too far, become a prison of their own making, locking people in with their unresolved pain, obstructed from doing the real work by their addictive flights of fancy. The key to escaping New Cage prison is developing a willingness to do the real work to ground, embody and heal in authentic terms.

On a relational level, New Cage connections are often wound-mates, priding themselves in their seeming spirituality, but actually falling apart at the seams- boundary-less, ungrounded and controlled by all the unresolved emotional material that the crystals didn’t quite heal. In their determined efforts to float above the fray, they actually just perpetuate their own pain-bodies and miss the opportunity to do the real work to become conscious together.
(~an excerpt from ‘An Uncommon Bond’)

Well, that has been rather well said. 🙂
Thank you, Jeff.

What I would like to add, though, is that while my mind is always rejecting the New Age mentality, labeling it as pure bull s**t, my heart whispers that maybe New Age people yearn for recognition, peace, freedom, love, respect and empathy – just like me (and maybe you).

The difference, however, between maybe me and your average New Age person, as far as I can see, is that I am not avoiding or at least I am trying to not avoid darkness, anger, sadness and the negativity within or without.

I am willing to face my own shadow side of inner psychological climate straight on, without overly complicated means (read: tarot cards and elves) .

Wilber comes to my mind here, he likes to say:
“There is no jumping. States are free, stages are earned.”

I understand his assertion to mean that it is impossible to just avoid and jump over a certain level of human identity development. And in the case of New cAge people, it seems they might want to jump (probably unaware) over the Centuar level. And to attain the Centuar or the Authentic level one has to face and clear out the shadow. Basically that means facing all the stuff New cAge wants to avoid.

I have been there, done that and it did now work; I was young and naive. Now I know that transforming the shadow by embracing it amounts to sending my roots really really deep into the ground. And that seems to be the only safe means for spiritual progress (for me).