The mirror

I have been involved in private psychotherapy and consulting practice more or less actively since 1996. You might imagine that I have been privileged to witness really a lot of transformation and progress in the lives of my clients thus far.

And I am grateful for that. You know, in humanistic and transpersonal therapy and consulting, the client and therapist are always working as a team. Progress is realized by both. That’s my experience.

Anyway…

What I share below, I would have never ever said to a client in a session, for it is important to me that similar realizations are born from within the client’s heart, when the time is right.

Here we go:

“Those people that do not understand you, maybe even downright reject you behind your back, and all others who are not really honest with you and are only manipulating you and taking advantage of you, remember them?

And others, who are not really giving anything to you, who only take from you and in effect only hurting you? Remember them?

And those close to your heart, who kind of understand you but not really, and others who say I love you, but you know in your heart that their love is not really the Love you feel for them – remember them?

And those significant others, who are looking at you, listening but not really hearing you? And those who talk with you, but still say nothing, who stay together with you but still leave you alone in the end?
Remember them?

If all those people would really really really understand, really feel and accept you as you are along with your courage, honesty, purity and willingness to sacrifice for the well-being of others – would they give you a medal, do you think? A tangible recognition of some sort for your qualities, you hope?

Would you have it professionally framed and hang it on your wall to look at and remind you of your pure and honest heart?

All you would need for that, my friend, is a mirror.”

<warm look>

 

 

Beyond personal dramas

NVC system provides us with brilliant notions of differences between needs (or potentials as I call them), emotions, concepts in mind and strategies.

While NVC system itself does not speak directly about it, as far as I can tell, self-actualization and individualization both play a major role in achieving authenticity in all areas of life.

The quote below is not meant to imply that I am so self-sufficient and self-actualized and individualized that I need no one, no empathy, no warmth, respect and love in my personal (and transpersonal) relationships. No. What I would like to point out is that self-sufficient person (like me, if I may be so cheeky) does not depend on others for aforementioned qualities.

In my honest opinion, it is only when I was able to go beyond my personal dramas of yearning for attention and forcing others to provide me with qualities such as warmth, love, respect and empathy, that I was really beginning to be ready for real and honest relationships.

Now, for me, being alone is not a problem any more. I love being alone. And yet, no man is an island as the saying goes, and I also enjoy company of others very much. It is just that I am conditioned by that company no more.
🙂

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person – without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other. ~ Osho