“Standing by the trap door, aware of me and you
The actor and the clown, they’re waiting for their cue
And there’s a lady over there, she’s acting pretty cool
But when it comes to playing life, she always plays the fool.”
– Too late for love by Def Leppard
In my recent past, I was acting pretty cool most of the time. And in real life situations I played a fool too, as the song suggests.You know, living out the fucked up illusion that what you guys think of me matters somehow; and how I come across to all of you is also important, somehow.
I must be,
I should be,
it is advisable to be,
people expect me to ________,
society expects me to _______,
academia demands ________,
it is polite to be ________,
educated people should be _________,
Well, all of this is such a bullshit!
There is no way I can directly influence how and what you think of me. It is a neuro-biological impossibility. It is just plainly impossible for me to directly cause your approval of me or force you to love me. So why bother?!
And how I come across to you guys, how on earth am I to regulate that? It is up to you, your strategies, feelings and needs that determine how I come across to you. So again, why bother?!
So, I am embracing freedom deep within me and act out what is alive in me from moment to moment regardless of various norms and standards. To hell with norms and standards LOL
And right now, what is alive here and now is rock ‘n’ roll.
Too late for love, performed by one of my favorite bands, Def Leppard:
It is never ever too late.