Writing mostly in a playful mode and yet maybe seriously, too:
We are in a hotel, my friend and me, having overwhelmingly huge breakfast. And she looks into my eyes and blows me a kiss over the table.
And lets say that in my head and heart the following happens (as per Wilber map of stages of human consciousness):
In a department of my consciousness labeled intellect, there is a Board of directors and all twelve of them are closely following everything that is going on. All of them are proud that they finally made it and became members of the Board. The illustrious Board basically decides about everything that is supposed to be happening on the planet integral.life.
They have a huge at least 90 inch LCD monitor on the wall of the room and are playing the “blowing kiss” sequence back and forth, watching it over and over again.
All of them are staring at the wall and hastily taking notes. All members of the Board are writing and writing notes, comparing the current situation with similar memories, analyzing the expression on the woman’s face and in her eyes, ambient noise and everything else.
They write and write and express their opinions aloud without any consideration for others. They don’t really hear one another and cant seem to find a compromise what to do. Each member wants to be the one who decides and all of them are gunning for the honor, for they are aware that their ruling over such matters is not as definitive as it used to be. At least in the head they want to build up their self-importance, for in the real integral-life.si they are not listened to anymore.
Members are all very intelligent, but full of hundreds and hundreds of pieces of information, projections, doubts, expectations, plans, fears, dysfunctional mental representations, and they are even looking into mystical-analytical tools such as tarot, I-ching, jyotish with the aim of reaching deeper understanding of what is happening etc. and, above all, all of them exhibit obsessive need for control.
On and on they go:
What to do? What does this woman want, really? What is her intention? What the f**k is happening? What is acceptable to do now? Jeez, what this woman just did is not socially acceptable! etc. etc.
Well, and while the Board is debating endlessly, the room enters:
Upon the entrance of the Authentic Self seven members simply lose their consciousness, for the presence of the Authentic Self is so powerful that intellect cant really deal with it. Scores of papers are flying up in the air, some members fall back, some hit the table with their foreheads and two of them even collapse to the flour. The rest five members of the Board are lost for words, thinking, now we are done for, oh my god.
Authentic Self knows all of the Board members intimately and the amount of attention he is offering them is exactly zero. He doesn’t even remember the last time he listened to them in serious matters.
Calmly he takes a look at the monitor on the wall of awareness and ignores Board’s intellectual mechanics as he has seen through them loooong ago. He has seen through their limited social convictions, superficial influences of others and society and all of the rules of the game of human interactions… and in the situation with the woman he senses affection and gentleness.
Board members are quiet and are holding their breath: “Oh dear, what will happen now?”. One member wants to add something to his notes but he doesn’t dare.
And before Authentic Self decides, the room is graced with the presence of:
The Subtle Self
The Soul or the Subtle Self simply is. Her presence changes the feeling in the room completely, in a positive fashion. Knocked out members regain their consciousness in a heart beat, the rest lift their heads, pick up their notes and the two members who crashed on the flour stand up and silently sit back at the table.
At this table, everyone is welcome. Board members are more relaxed, open and once in a while a word or two is heard. Subtle Self tolerates and acknowledges everyone and everything.
Subtle Self and Authentic Self look at each other and the later wants to express something and he cant utter a word, for a sheer and crystal clear realization dawns on him:
“Oh, f**k, fuuuuuuuuuu******k!
I don’t even exist for real!! My existence is not!
Separate Self doesn’t even exist!!! Not on my own!!”
And the Soul shines with inner Purity and Light even more.
The Soul is full of love, wisdom, power and vulnerability (which is in fact her greatest strength) and in the woman recognizes a kindred spirit from previous lives.
The Soul is aware of the relative importance of relationship with this kindred spirit here on Earth and on other levels of existence and at the same time the Soul is acutely aware she unconditionally and exclusively belongs to and is totally surrendered to the Source Itself. In Her case, that is Mahadevi.
While the Soul is contemplating these notions, the room is lighted up as if the sun itself just came out. The room, which is now in my heart of hearts, is bathed in Pure and Brilliant Light.
Board members, chairs, walls, monitor, flour, Authentic self – everything, indeed everything shines in completely new Light, for the Soul has spontaneously realized:
The Causal Self
The Soul or the Subtle Self has effortlessly dived deeply into Herself and has easily and directly realized Her true and eternal identity.
In Her heart a notion arises:
“Oh my God!!”
And soon after that:
“Wait a second, not Oh My God!”
“I am God!”
The room is completely immersed in the Presence and everything is just fine. No conflict whatsoever, no problem or deficit.
The Causal Self is spontaneously aware of Everything that is, for there is no separateness, no duality at all.
The woman across the table is His manifestation, and He easily recognizes Himself in her. No duality, no distance. There never ever was. He easily accepts everything, for nothing apart from Himself simply does not exist.
He alone is.
The Causal Self manifests many things and one of those things is omnipresence. And using His presence that is everywhere, He spontaneously senses the conversation between two mountain men somewhere in the mountains about this years apples. One man shares his observation that this year some apples are more red than others.
And hearing that, the Causal Self realizes the undeniable truth:
He Himself and the redness of an apple are totally equal, both are only impermanent things in the vast ocean of events. There is no center, no God, and the Causal Self is only one of the impressions upon the Big Mind, just as the redness of an apple or wetness of a water is.
When this insight arises, the Power, Omnipresence, Pristine Presence of the Only One Causal Self simply melts into the Big Mind and what is left is:
The Nondual level
In the head and in the heart total peace arises. There are no Board members left, the room is empty. The Authentic Self is gone, the Subtle Self likewise. And the Causal Self has melted just as water melts in water.
Total identity collapse.
gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā
Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone beyond all the way to the other side.
No one is guiding anything, everything is happening by itself, with no cause and no effect.
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
A more serious description of psychological-transpersonal identity development can be found here >>